This Friday we have  "THE SURFBIRDS".............Live American Roots & Blues.........not to be missed..................rain or no rain this gig is happening............

Also.....Temple Bar will be closed on Saturday to allow us to join in the celebrations of our friends getting married...................yes we'll be getting drunk

So have a great weekend what ever you do.........maybe see on Sunday for a pint

Joke of the Day
Dirty mind!

1. When I go in I might cause pain. I cause you to spit and ask you not to swallow. I can fill your hole. What am I?

2. A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first. What am I?

3. I'm spread before I'm eaten. Your tongue gets me off. People sometimes like to lick my nuts. What am I?

4. I go in hard. I come out soft. You blow me hard. What am I?

5. All day long it's in and out. I discharge loads from my shaft. Both men and women go down on me. What am I?

6. I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me you feel good. What am I?

7. If I miss, I hit your bush. It's my job to stuff your box. When I come, it's news. What am I?

8. I offer protection. I get the finger ten times. You use your fingers to get me off. What am I?

9. I assist an erection. Sometimes big balls hang from me. I'm called a big swinger. What am I?

10. I'm at least 6 inches long. I leave foamy lubrication when engaged in my job. What am I?

Answers:-

1. a dentist

2. a wedding ring

3. peanut butter

4. chewing gum

5. an elevator

6. a nose

7. a newspaper boy

8. a glove

9. a crane

10. a toothbrush, of course

Howdy folks hope your all having a good week wherever you are

Anyway we have a group of musicians from Bolzano who are a wee bit strange (Jack how are ya!!) and they want to play some really cool music at Temple Bar..............so why not come along and support these local guys this Friday night

"Jack FreeZone & The Swingin Ciccioli............Friday 13th

Slainte

Joke of the Day
Highway to Hawaii

A man was walking along the beach and found a bottle. He looked around and didn't see anyone so he opened it. A genie appeared and thanked the man for letting him out. The genie said, "For your kindness I will grant you a wish, but only one - none of that three wishes jazz, OK?"

The man thought for a minute and said, "Well, I have always wanted to go to Hawaii but have never been able to because I'm afraid of flying, and ships make me claustrophobic and ill. So, I wish for a road to be built from here to Hawaii."

The genie was taken aback a bit, but after some thought said, "No, I don't think I can do that; think about the pilings needed to hold up the highway and how deep they would have to be to reach the bottom of the ocean. Think of all the pavement and steal and concrete that would be needed. I'm sorry, you will have to choose another wish."

The man thought for a minute and then told the genie, "There is one other thing that I have always wanted. I would like to be able to understand women. What makes them laugh and cry, why do they get upset at us so easily, what are their true desires and needs? Basically...what makes them tick?!?"

The genie stared at him and blinked a couple times.

"So, this road, do you want two lanes or four?"

This Saturday we are delighted to announce live music with the wacky lad from Dublin "Shane O Fearghail"..............Shane has decided to stop off in Bolzano during his European Tour and give our guests a bit of thrill this Saturday night. So get your asses down here for a good session with a guy and his guitar!!

From Sunday 24th Temple Bar will be closed for one week...................we need a wee break before the long hot summer madness.

So folks have a wonderful week, hopefully see you soon and then see you when we come
back

Slainte

From all at Temple Bar

Joke of the Day
Shit

Just think of all the concepts and ideas you can communicate with it. Shit may just be the most powerful word in the English language.

CONSIDER THIS: You can be shit faced, be shit out of luck, or have shit for brains.

With a little effort you can get your shit together, find a place for your shit or decide to shit or get off the pot.

You can smoke shit, buy shit, sell shit, lose shit, find shit, forget shit, and tell others to eat shit and die.

You can shit or go blind, have a shit fit or just shit your life away.

People can be shit headed, shit brained, shit blinded and shit over.

Some people know their shit while others can't tell the difference between shit and shineola.

There are lucky shits, dumb shits, crazy shits, and sweet shits.

There is bull shit, and horse shit and chicken shit.

You can throw shit, sling shit, catch shit, or duck when the shit hits the fan.

You can take a shit, give a shit, or serve shit on a shingle.

You can find yourself in deep shit, or be happier than a pig in shit.

Some days are colder than shit, some days are hotter than shit and some days are just plain shitty.

Some music sounds like shit, things can look like shit, and there are times when you feel like shit.

You can have too much shit, not enough shit, the right shit, the wrong shit or a lot of weird shit.

You can carry shit, have a mountain of shit, or find yourself up shit creek without a paddle.

Sometimes you really need this shit and sometimes you don't want any shit at all.

Sometimes everything you touch turns to shit and other times you swim in a lake of shit and come out smelling like a rose.

Shit! When you stop to consider all the facts, it's the basic building block of creation.

And remember, once you know your shit, you don't need to know anything else

On St. Patrick's Day, 17th March ....Burning Mind will be playing all the Jigs & Reels to get everybody thinking they can audition for Riverdance. We would also like to invite those who want to play acoustic   music during the day to feel free to bring their instruments.

On Friday the 18th Morrison's  Doghouse will be here blasting out all your rock favourites.........and have you jumping around like a bunch of spotty teenagers

And finally to finish the St. Paddys Festival on Saturday the 19th we have... ..William T and The Black 50's....Playing all the best of  50's jive rock n' roll............

So paint your hair green, wear something green, call yourself Patrick or Patricia for the day... And celebrate St. Patrick's Day the Irish way....
With pints of green beer served all day!!!!

This is also the 5th year Temple Bar are sponsoring The Angkor Hospital for Children, Siem Reap, Cambodia. Tickets for the charity raffle will go on sale soon...and we hope as always you will support this very important cause.
Great prizes to be won, including Rugby jerseys, Pints of beer, Dinner for two, Bottles of whiskey................and many more....

Check us out at
http://www.facebook.com/templebarbolzano
http://www.myspace.com/templebarbolzano

Joke of the Day
Paddy was driving along the road one fine day when the local policeman, a friend of his, pulled him over. "What's wrong, Seamus?" Paddy asked. "Well didn't ya know, Paddy, that your wife fell out of the car about five miles back?" said Seamus. "Ah, praise the Almighty!" he replied with relief. "I thought I'd gone deaf!"

Two Irishmen were walking home after a night on the beer when a severed head rolled along the ground. Mick picked it up to his face and said to Paddy "Jez, that look like Sean" to which Paddy replied "No Sean was taller than that"

The Doctor was puzzled "I'm very sorry but I can't diagnose your trouble, Mahoney. I think it must be the drink. "

"Don't worry about it Dr. Kelley, I'll come back when you're sober."

Spanish singer Julio Iglesias was on television with British TV host Anne Diamond when he used the word 'manyana'. Diamond asked him to explain what it meant. He said that the term means "maybe the job will be done to-morrow, maybe the next day, maybe the day after that. Perhaps next week, next month, next year. Who cares?" The host turned to Irishman Shay Brennan who was also on the show and asked him if there was an equivalent term in Irish. "No. In Ireland we don't have a word to describe that degree of urgency.", replied Brennan.

Thank you all for making 2010 another wonderful year and we wish you all a fantastic 2011

We would like to also thank you all for helping us with our Charities throughout the year..............
In Feb we had a mad session in the bar....with six bands performing on a really great night when over €1200 was raised (which we doubled), in aid of the victims from the Haiti Hurricane

In March during the St. Paddy's Day festival we raised over €1600 for the Angkor Hospital for Children Siem Reap, Cambodia.............this is the fourth year we and you our friends have being supporting the childrens hospital............

This December we have raised €1000 (which we doubled) in aid of the Refuge Center for Women (Verein G.E.A.)here in Bolzano..............the Top prize for the raffle was Tatty the Teddy Bear and we had two winners of Tatty "Malushka and Reinhard"........and they have very kindly agreed to donate the Tatty to the Children Hospital here in Bolzano

And now for some bad news...........we are closed from Saturday 25th and we will reopen on Friday for the New Years Eve Party on Friday 31st............

So we all here at Temple Bar, Stephen, Tanya, Diego, Fabio, Veronica and Francesca wish you all Happy Christmas, don't do anything stupid or crazy  but embarrassing is always ok!!!!

Happy Christmas
to you all,to  your family and friends....
eat drink be merry...
Don't for get to leave the whiskey and cookies for Santa and the carrot for Rudolf!!!
Slainte........

Check us out at
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http://www.myspace.com/templebarbolzano

Joke of the Day
Santa's offer

She said "Santa, will you stay with me?"

Santa replied, "Ho Ho Ho gotta go, gotta go, gotta deliver these toys to good girls and boys."

So she took off her night gown, wearing only a bra and panties, she asked "Santa, now will you stay with me?"

"Ho Ho Ho gotta go, gotta go, gotta deliver these toys to gook girls and boys."

She takes off everything and says "Santa, now will you stay with me?"

Santa replies "Gotta stay, gotta stay, can't get up the chimney with my dick this way!"

This is refuge center supporting women and children who suffer from domestic violence and abuse............we hope you will support this very worthy cause

The top Prize for the raffle is Tatty Teddybear, who needs a loving home this Christmas.......the raffle will take place on Wed. 22nd Dec
The tickets cost €5 for 1 or €20 for 5

All money raised will be matched by us personally at Temple Bar

So dig deep this Christmas and help those at the refuge center provide a safe and secure environment for suffers of domestic violence......

Thank You
The Temple Team....

Check us out at
http://www.facebook.com/templebarbolzano
http://www.myspace.com/templebarbolzano

A huge thank you for making the last year such great fun...........there have been weddings, birthdays, babies conceived, babies born, fat santas, highland reunion games, Rugby days& nights, The World Cup, St. Paddys day, Arthur Guinness Festival, and charity fundraisers (over €2700 for Haiti Earthquake Fund and €1600 for The Angkor Hospital for Children in Cambodia)...........along with the great Karaoke nights and all the great bands whom performed here.

From everybody at Temple Bar............ Thank you and Slainte

Join us at Temple Bar for the Worldwide Celebration of Arthur Guinness on Thursday September 23rd at 17.59

Thurs 23rd ...............Kicking off the party are Blues band  "Queen Laurin" with special guest from Ireland.........after a fantastic performance at the Arthur Guinness Party last year the Queen Laurin and friends are back again!!!!

Fri 24th................Peggy Germs.............a mix of Garage Punk and Rock.............well so they say...........when you see these guys perform you can decide..............Mad Crazy or just F^&ked Up.........

Sat 25th............The Desperate Cowboys .............Need we say more..Kick ass Rock N Rock Country Western sounds....

Check us out at
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http://www.myspace.com/templebarbolzano

Joke of the Day
Guiness and women

This is very upsetting for you guys. Research scientists at Guinness suggested that men should take a look at their beer consumption after considering the results of a recent analysis, which had revealed the presence of female hormones in beer.

The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women. To test the finding, 100 men were fed eight pints of beer each. It was then observed that 100 percent of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn't drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing and refused to apologize when wrong.

No further testing is planned.

We have the Dogs playing again this summer.................are they going to be stripping again for a bet!!!!

As always they kick ass with their sounds so make sure you arrange to have Fri 27th free.................as always this is not a gig to be missed

Have a nice weekend

Check us out at
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http://www.myspace.com/templebarbolzano

Joke of the Day
Kids wisdom

You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.- Alan, age 10

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.- Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

Both don't want any more kids.- Lori, age 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.- Lynnette, age 8

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

When they're rich.- Pam, age 7

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.- Anita, age 9

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?

There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?- Kevin, age 8

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck.- Ricky, age 10

So we hope you have picked your favourite team to support.............so we can have a bit of rivalry going on................

So we'll see you all here.............and remember two screens outside for all the matches

Come on Ireland!!!!!!

P.S. we are open from 12pm everyday and on Sunday & Mondays during the World Cup

Check us out at
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Joke of the Day

But Ladies be warned...........this is for your benefit as the World Cup is about to begin which means football and only football.(well maybe some sex and beer ) will be on the minds of every men on this planet..........we hope this helps you understand men more
Because I am a man!!

Because I'm a Man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start."

We will then drink beer.

Because I'm a Man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't a problem.

Because I'm a Man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. But never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which "feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism.

Because I'm a Man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator).

Because I'm a Man, I don't think we're all that lost, and no, I don't think we should stop and ask someone. Why would you listen to a complete stranger? I mean, how the hell could he know where we're going?

Because I'm a Man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The answer is always either sex or sports. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't.

Because I'm a Man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to.
Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay, I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother, too.

Because I'm a Man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.

Because I'm a Man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?

Because I'm a Man, and this is, after all, the year 2010, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the gardening, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest.

This has been a public service message for women, to better understand men.